How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
