if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
