Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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