i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
