I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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