Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
