Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
