so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize