i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
