You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
