You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
