Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
