he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
