I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
