Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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