38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize
