the condom got lost in my hair
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
