my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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