When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
