i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
