She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
