So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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