Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
