Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
