I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize