i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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