why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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