the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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