Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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