i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
