No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
