I wannas sexs uuuuu
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize