It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
