i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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