I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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