how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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