the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
