I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i love accidental penises.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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