My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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