Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Everclear isn't food dammit
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
