summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
