I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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