i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is classic penis vs brain.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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