Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
