honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
