it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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