shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
