i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
