90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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