I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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