Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
