I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize