im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
