we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
