My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
