Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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