I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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