Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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