grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
