Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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