think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
