Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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