Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
