he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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