I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
