found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
