I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
