im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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