Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
