Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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