There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
