Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
