I think I am morally bankrupt
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
