The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
