dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Text me some of your sweat
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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