Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
