I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
two words...techno handjob
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
